randomness.

so i just felt like sharing

that when looking for my suitcase this morning

this shirt fell out of my close--->

i have no idea where the heck it came from. lol BUT ITS BEDAZZLED :)

oh and i was up kinda late last night so i felt like sketching.

in loving memory of my grandma~

small VayKay

• time for a three day get away.
• ive been looking forward to this trip for awhile.
• yeah...i thought different people would be going.
• but hey, im supppper glad for the people that are still going
• i just cant wait!!! im so excited.
• i need a chance to get my mind off some things.
• to gather my thoughts.
• hopefully i will get some time todo that.
• well wish me luck
• xoxo see you in three days

new directions

its time for me to act like an adult about somethings...

step one. get my school stuff straightened out.

step two. apologize to them.

step three. find a new church.

step four. find a new job

step five. figure out a way to get my ass to alabama.

the mirror effect

Fact:

I don't recognize her. She is bitter and hateful. She doesn't have a plan. She doesn't think before letting words slip from her mouth. She is fragile and breakable. She is fat and has a horrible way going about situations. She wants to run away and never come back to this stupid place. She wishes things she shouldn't. She fears getting attached to anyone. Mentally she is locked in her own thoughts, while physically she cries constantly.

Fact:

She is what i have become.

Fiction:

I'm happy with the whole situation

bangbangbang

It all happened so fast. i just dont know what to do. i cant think straight and i feel so beat up inside. its just so stupid because its not like i wanted this. shit i never wanted this. what i still want, i cant have. i was so happy. i couldnt wait to see him. i couldnt wait to talk to him. to hear his voice. to see his beautiful eyes. And with in the time spanned of 24 hours everything has changed. i want to still talk to him. im so selfish in that way. i want him to be there for me when i need him. and i want to be there for him. but we cant be. the pain of it all is still so fresh. being around each other just causes the other pain. there are three things i never want. for someone to be upset over me. losing friends. and disappointing people. this week i did all three. Its just one of those situations i cant see getting better. which makes me feel like throwing up.

what do i do when everything is going wrong?

lay in bed and staring at the ceiling...

there's the box. then theres what you do with it.

Saying goodbye??

its hard to keep form feeling that everything you have done up to this point is a lie. that the friends you have made, the memories you have shared, each adventure you have taken. that all it will ever be is a shadow. high school is a part of everyones past. i have always been told dont just go to high school, live it. you only get one chance. its never felt so real to me. saying good bye to so many people that have changed my life drastically, just tears me apart. its a puzzle piece in the "growing up process" puzzle of my life. i know. i mean heck two more years before its my turn to get out of here. two more years until i have to say goodbye to literally every single friend, person, and face i have ever known. i guess that means its two years until my real life begins.

the Bet

hang out with 15 different people in 7 days.

it stared aug 7th and ends the 14th

Ready? Go.

(after i win pictures will be posted on blog)

SAN LOUIS OBISPO!!~

shopping, visiting family, a birthday party, church, and car rides :))

so we got here and it up the city! we went shopping at a whole bunch of different small stores! OH and i hit up safora for the first time. im getting to see my little cousins Jessica and Wyatt. Jessica is my partner in crime. she is such a goof ball like me. i love her. the birthday when great! there were about 6 little boys running around and hitting eachother with balloons. it was so freakn adorable!! its been alot of fun:)

smile.

its happening...

that feeling you get when you know you like someone.

how a smile lingers on your face.

how your glance last just a little longer then normal.

how you replay conversations in your head.

how all you want to do is be in the same room with them.

waking up and falling asleep to texts from each other.

its one of the most beautiful experiences of life.

and

its time for me to live it.

:)

Game Over

Im done playing your stupid game.

& im making my own rules.

+ & -

This week has been different... like crazy different.

its had so many highs and a few lows.

list time? i think Yes!

NEGATIVES

1. its been pretty freakn cold all week

2. heard some things i could have lived with out knowing

and

3. lost two friends

POSITIVES

1. started out my week with jamba

2. hit up the beach to make sand volcanoes

3. babysat

4. had kayla and jackie over

5. had makeovers

6. hunter brought me home a stuffed animal :D

7. had a sleepover with sam

8. hit up rat beach

9. got MONDO sunburned(its good because now its a tan)

10. went to the mall.

11. met new friends

12. got to see Brandon :)

13. met this HUGE and amazing doggie

14. brandon met my whole fambam.

15. got to go to madisons little git together.

16. got a little lost on the way home :P

17.got new sunglasses

18. kayla came over!!

19. had the longest video chat of my life.

and

20. pierced my ear twice

My negative list isnt as long as my positive one.

Im so glad.

Everyone has times when all they need is something to lift their spirits.

One thing that says "in a little while things will be okay again."

Ive realized things are getting better and everything is going to be alright.

I loved this week.

Theres just something about it that makes me smile nonstop